What to do if your partner is uninterested in sex?

Sex issues

What to do if your partner is uninterested in sex?

We understand how frustrating it must be for you to not be able to enjoy sexual activities with your partner, but this is a very common problem. You need to understand that low libido isn't just a man's problem; women have libidos, too. In fact, according to a survey by the Journal of Sexual Medicine, roughly 40% of women report having some level of desire, arousal or orgasmic disorder.

Low libido is a common problem that affects millions of healthy men and women. Low libido refers to a lack of sexual desire or interest in sex. It is a common cause of sexual problems. Low libido can be caused by physical factors, mental factors or a combination of both.

Possible Causes of Low Libido

  1. Psychological factors: Depression is the most common cause of low libido in both men and women. Stress and depression can cause a loss of interest in sex. This is because when you are worried about something, you are in no mood to have fun or engage in intimate activities. People with clinical depression are more likely to experience low libido because these conditions disrupt the hormones responsible for sexual urges. In men, stress induces the arteries to narrow down, restricting the blood flow to the penis. Therefore, anxiety and depression should not be left untreated as they can have severe effects on the overall well-being of a person.
  2. Low levels of testosterone:  A low level of testosterone reduces a man’s physical and mental response to sexual stimuli.
  3. Medications: Some medications like blood pressure medicines, corticosteroids, antidepressants or treatments like chemotherapies can also lower testosterone levels, eventually leading to low libido. Antidepressants can prevent erection and ejaculation as well.
  4. Chronic ailments: Chronic diseases can have a serious impact on your health and mental well-being. Cancer, one of the most common chronic diseases, can reduce sperm production. Apart from cancer, some other chronic illness such as type 2 diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, liver failure, kidney failure, heart diseases, etc can also reduce sex drive.
  5. Aging: Aging is a natural process that cannot be stopped. Aging has a significant impact on testosterone levels. Both men and women, during their older years experience decreased urge for sexual activities. Also, they may take longer to achieve orgasm and ejaculate. In men, the penis may take a longer time to become erect again.
  6. Self-esteem issues: Low confidence, poor self-esteem, experiencing body shaming can take a serious toll on the mental and physical well-being of a person. If you are feeling left out or having self-worth issues, it is a clear indication that you feel unattractive and undesirable. These signs can cause anxiety during sexual intercourse, more commonly known as performance pressure or performance anxiety.
  7. No workout: Good physical exercise is linked to higher sex drive in men because working out regularly can prevent chronic diseases, like obesity, blood pressure issues, diabetes, heart diseases, etc, all of which are causes of low sex drive. But this does not mean that you have to do relentless workouts. Studies have shown that intense and lengthy endurance exercises can decrease libido in men.
  8. Heavy alcohol drinking: Increased alcohol consumption has been linked to low levels of sex drive. Men who drink more than 3 alcoholic beverages should reduce their intake in order to maintain a healthy sex life.
  9. Use of drugs: Drugs like tobacco, marijuana, etc can decrease testosterone levels by negatively affecting its production. Apart from these drugs, smoking has also been known to lower sex drive and reduce sperm count. 

What to do When Your Partner is Uninterested in Sex?

The first step towards solving this issue is communication. Communicate with your partner about your feelings and ask them to disclose what they feel. Try to avoid discussing these matters in the bedroom as it can be a vulnerable situation for both partners. 

So, find a neutral territory where you can discuss without any disturbance or embarrassment. 

Both the partners need to make efforts to express themselves without blaming the other person. Let them know how sex can express your love towards them. Regular sex can enhance a healthy relationship in a number of ways. The hormone, oxytocin, released during sexual intercourse can provide a sense of bonding that improves emotional intimacy among partners.

What to do When Your Partner Knows they are Uninterested in Sex But Does Not Know the Reason?

If your partner is aware that they are not interested in sex but have no idea what might be the possible reason behind it, we recommend you to consult your family doctor or a specialist who will conduct a physical exam to diagnose the problem.

What to do When Your Partner Hesitate to Discuss the Issue?

If your partner is reluctant to discuss the issue with you, you need to take up the matter into your hands by handling the situation sensitively without taking things personally. Do not let your ego affect your relationship.

Ask your partner what they feel about couple counselling and convince them that it is important for your relationship to solve this issue with the help of a specialist or counsellor. 

What to do If Your Partner is Able to Identify the Reason?

If your partner is able to pinpoint the reason for their low sex drive, work with them to find out effective solutions. Do not hesitate to seek help from therapists. 

Therapy can be a fruitful option to deal with issues like stress or depression, which is a common reason for low libido. 

Take Away 

If you are suffering from low libido and looking for ways to get more aroused, you might be interested in the Performance Improvement Kit which has been successfully helping people deal with this issue. This treatment for low libido helps improve your sexual health and increases your desire for sex.

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